I asked my dad yesterday (with a little bit of an attitude) "whenever someone tells me that I have to do something like close my eyes, I almost don't want to do it and I think isn't that legalistic and pharisaical?" Dad gently responded, "ok, you may be right that you don't have to pray with your eyes closed but if you have them open then you are susceptible to distraction. If you have them open, you may see something that causes you to think of other things or in some cases may cause lust and if you are sinning while you are praying then your prayers are meaningless." Hmm, good point. He continued, "Closing eyes brings focus and concentration on the being you seek to honor." Hmm, another good point. He continued, "But i sense an attitude of skepticism or challenging in you. It is as though you want to buck tradition just because it is a tradition. Bucking tradition without any basis or because you don't understand is the same as being a Pharisee with all the traditions."

"If a tradition is good in that it can help you to glorify God better than you should embrace it, not because it is a tradition but because it can help you focus better. Don't worry that a million other people are different. Remember that people have struggled through the same things you are thinking and have desired to develop practices that can help people glorify God better. Don't just try to reinvent the wheel with all of your own ways to worship God, no doubt there will be many holes. Work on loving the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul and all your mind. And love your neighbor as yourself." hmm, another good point. Tradition for tradition sake is bad, but following certain traditions to try to glorify God are quite good.

At the heart of this questioning is a deep pride that I can do better than others. I seek to get away from being like others because I am better or more creative. But these thoughts are prideful. Yes I am creative, but that doesn't mean that I hold the keys to true communion with God. Indeed, I am a wretch who knows little about God and needs to find humility in order that I may be formed by God into the one He wants me to be. It is time to stop questioning everything in the name of "I just want to know." Instead I need to embrace a true quest that seeks answers in order that I can help others, not so that I can just question and do nothing with the knowledge.